Sometimes we just need an anchor
by bonbon16
Summary: Kakashi just needs an anchor
1. Anchor

Kakashi stared at the memorial stone, ignoring the cold drizzle dampening his hair and fogging up his harsh breath. The mistakes of his past seemed to taunt him, tease him, never actually affording him release from his ever-present guilt. His father, Obito, Rin, Minato-sensei, Kushina, and lastly Hiruzen Sarutobi. His shoulders hunched over and shook. Everyone who had ever loved him died. Kakashi forced his mind away from Rin's flat brown eyes staring blankly at him, his name on her dying breath.

"Kakashi" He whirled around, his heartbeat wildly. For a moment the voice that whispered his name, was Rin's, the brown eyes slightly darker, brown hair shorter and straighter. 

Then he blinked. 

"Oh, hello Nalia." He replied back. Nalia smiled up at him, sadness tugging at the corners of her eyes. She walked slightly off the path, her gigantic, ugly yellow umbrella adding forceful cheer to the somber clearing. 

"You'll catch a cold out here." She admonished gently. She stood next to him and offered her umbrella to him. His mask covered how his lips quirked slightly at her reddened cheeks. "Here, you hold it. I'm too short to try and raise it above your head." She grumbled. Nalia huffed. Her height had always been a sore spot for her. Kakashi took the offered umbrella and held up as she sidled closer to him, her left arm firmly against his right. 

The effect of her touch, even though her thick sleeve of her funeral yukata, was instantaneous. The ice that had been crystallizing his bones, melted, the wave of emotions he had pent up at the Sandaime's funeral threatening to crash through the damn he had built. She leaned further into him, her fingers gently forcing his clenched hand to relax. Kakashi let her hold his hand, slightly ashamed that he felt relieved from her warm hand against his cold, clammy ones. 

"Have you been here since the funeral?" She asked him. Her voice held no judgement, no shock so he felt no need to lie or come up with one of his many excuses. 

"Yeah" He said quietly. Her hand squeezed his comfortingly, the warmth from her hand sliding up his arm and warming his chest as well. 

The Sandaime's funeral was the first funeral for those who had lost their lives in the failed invasion. The cemetery had closed down and the majority of chunin and jonin level ninjas had participated in the funeral procession and final entombment. He remembered seeing Nalia towards the edge, standing behind her brother as his lover held his hand while he mourned. He remembered feeling bothered that hot tears fell down her cheeks despite her face not scrunching up or her nose sniffing while she cried, hinting that maybe she didn't realize she was crying. 

How fucked would that be?

"How many did you go to?" He asked her and immediately wished he hadn't. Nalia worked at the hospital, as a student of one of the best medics in the village, she would have encountered death a great deal in her training. 

"Too many." She whispered. If it wasn't for his enhanced hearing, he might not have heard it over the pitter patter of the rain. "It's fitting isn't it? For rain on such a horribly sad day. Its almost as if the gods are mourning with us." She mused, almost a bit too cheerfully. He noticed when she didn't ask him how many funerals he went to today either. He guessed cause she already knew the answer. 

Too. Many. 

So they stood there together in the rain, even as lightening danced in the clouds like unruly children, Nalia stayed next to him, her warmth sliding through his body from where she held his hand, heating up and mending the crack in his weary heart. 

It was the crack of thunder finally splitting the dark clouds above them that snapped him out of his trance. He turned to look down at his spooked companion, her hair standing on end like she was electrocuted.

"Come one! If we stay out here, we'll be fried!" Nalia exclaimed. She tugged him behind her, not caring that the umbrella no longer protected her. Kakashi followed obediantly, looking one last time at the memorial stone, before following his friend down the path and onto the main street. He tugged her in the direction of her apartment she shared with Tenzo and shook her head. He frowned then shook his head.

I guess we'll go back to my place and wait out the storm. He thought. He tugged her close and ignored how adrenaline spiked in his veins with her so close to him. He closed his eyes and shunshined them onto the walkway in front of his apartment. Nalia yelped and to her credit, didn't throw up this time from the sudden movement. 

"Warn me when you do that!" She exclaimed. He laid her umbrella by the door while he stooped to undo his sandals. Nalia sighed contently when she kicked off her uncomfortable geta sandals. He winced at the squishy noises her yukata made every time she moved. She frowned too and looked up at him. 

"I might have something that'll fit you. Why don't you hop in the shower and I'll grab it?" He suggested. She smiled brilliantly up at him and pushed past him. 

"Thank you, Bakashi!" She sang. She traipsed her way through his apartment to his bathroom, seemingly completely comfortable in another man's space. He rolled his eyes but did as he promised. He dug through his bedroom closet, looking for clothes that wouldn't immediately drop off Nalia's petite form. He settled on an old training shirt of his from when he was a teenager, and a pair of Sakura's shorts that must've gotten mixed up in his stuff for the fourth time. He knocked on the bathroom door, wincing when he realized that Nalia didn't lock it. He threw the extra clothes into the bathroom and shut the door quickly, thankful of the mask he wore that covered his burning face. 

Nalia came out of the bathroom about 15 minutes later, a towel wrapped around her hair and his shirt tucked into the waistband of Sakura's athletic shorts. 

"Thank you" She murmured. They took their tea in the living room, Nalia tucking her legs under her on the couch while Kakashi sat at the other end and pulled out his well worn Icha Icha, trying to focus his eyes on the pages before him.

Nalia sipped her tea and watched as the storm progressively worsened outside, the wind picking up and slapping tree branches against Kakashi's window. She glanced over at him, the normal annoyance she felt at his presence replaced by a twinge of guilt. He stood at the memorial stone for hours, his mind wandering to the dangerous territory between despair and regret. She's never seen him like this before, his lazy and casual personality never wavering in front of her, no matter how insane it drove her. He was Kakashi Hatake, the chronically late shinobi. The (not so) closet pervert. The man who was also hailed as one of the best. 

"Why don't you want to go home?" Kakashi asked. Nalia snapped out of her musings, turning to face him. His eyes never strayed from his book, but his tone made it obvious he was talking to her. 

"Taka is with Tenzo and I wanted to give them some privacy." She replied easily, taking a sip of her green tea. Kakashi nodded, seemingly absorbed in his book. 

"Ah" 

"I want them to have some privacy, you know. The last week has been hard on everyone and I'm glad that they're spending more time together, you know? They're good together" Kakashi paused in his fake reading and smiled softly. Despite all the pain, the loneliness that Tenzo suffered throughout his life, he was finally seizing a bit of that happiness himself. 

"Good for him. I'm glad he found someone" He murmured softly. A loud crash of lightning jolted Nalia spilling the hot tea all over her hands. 

"Son of a bitch!" She yelled. Kakashi got up and pulled her over to his kitchen sink, running her hands under the cool water. His heart hammered in his chest. Not another one, not again, I can't lose someone again not again I can't….. His incoherent thoughts rambling on. Nalia's protests faded out as his vision zeroed on that bright patch of red forming on the back of her left hand. 

"Kakashi, I'm alright" She told him softly. She placed her uninjured palm against his trembling forearm. "See? I'll be fine" He watched and felt like an idiot when her fingertips glowed a bright green, soothing the burn until the burn mark faded into the smooth brown of the rest of her skin. He took a calming breath and backed away slowly. 

"Ah, sorry." 

Instead of a snarky reply, Nalia frowned and reached towards him, her chakra already sliding over him, warming him yet again. The towel on her head was lost somewhere in his scramble to save her, leaving her wet, curly hair to form a cloud around her head. "What's going on?" She asked finally. One hand rested on his cheek encouraging him to meet her eyes while the other rested on his shoulder. It was so easy for him in this supremely intimate position to pretend that everything was okay. 

But it wasn't okay. 

He held his hand over hers on his cheek, savoring the warmth seeping into him at their point of contact. Nalia, always perceptive Nalia, reached up with her other arm and pulled him into a tight hug. He tucked her head under his cheek, inhaling the faint scent of coconut and while he held onto her like his life depended on it. He mused that in a way it did. 

Nalia was always his anchor. She was the safe harbor that protected him from the dangerous sea of emotion that threatened to overtake him every so often. She was always there, somehow knowing when to push him and when to just let him sag into her arms letting him forget about his failures as a student, a teacher and as a shinobi.

"It's not your fault" She whispered to him. Nalia rubbed his back in soothing circles. Even though the Sandaime had just died, Kakashi's behavior wasn't because of him. 

It was because, in his mind, he failed again. Every one of his failures resulted in death. 

Father, Obito, Rin, Minato, Kushina. 

"It wasn't your fault, Kakashi" Nalia said a bit more sternly. She pulled back to look up at his face and he squeezed his eyes shut. Dear Gods I wish that were true, I wish it wasn't my fault. He kept his mouth shut, knowing that Nalia would get that saddened look on her face, as if he ate her last slice of pie, correcting her. 

"It wasn't" She insisted. Kakashi blinked and chuckled sarcastically. Of Course, Nalia saw right through his bullshit. Of course she knew what he was thinking. "They died to make sure you were safe, Kakashi. They died to protect their comrades, their friends. YOU. How do you think they would feel if they were here right now?" Nalia asked sharply. He winced. He knew that Obito would make fun of him for being so moody. He knew Rin and Sensei would get that heartbroken look on their face like he kicked their puppy. He shuddered thinking about what Kushina would say. 

"You're right." He conceded. If there was one thing he was eternally grateful towards Nalia for, it was forcing him to give his loved ones the benefit of the doubt. "Thanks" Nalia smiled radiantly up at him and for a moment he wished he told that to her sooner. 

Ooooo looks like someone has a crush. A voice suspiciously like Obito whispered in his ear. He ignored the voice and tightened his grip when she tried to let go. "Can we at least stay a little longer like this?" He whispered. He was surprised to hear Nalia's breath catch and even more surprised to feel her nod. She hooked her arms around his waist and rocked him gently back and forth, humming a tune he didn't recognize. 

He loathed to leave the safety and security of her small form, but he let her go and opted to hold her hand instead, leading her to his living room. Nalia sat down on one end. Kakashi smirked and made a show of laying his head on her lap, squirming until he was in a comfortable position like a newborn pup. He felt Nalia's exasperation and grinned when he felt her flick the tip of his ears. She raked through his still slightly damp hair, drawing a satisfied hum out of him. He should feel unnerved by how easily she traipsed through his walls like they weren't there. He shouldn't like the feeling of vulnerability she teased out of him with her radiant smile and easy presence. 

But he did. 

He closed his eyes and hummed at the feeling of Nalia's fingers tangling, brushing, and making his disheveled hair even more crazy. He didn't care. He felt like he was on cloud nine and when she scratched the spot right behind his ear he thought he had ascended to nirvana. 

He wasn't sure when he dozed off but when Kakashi awoke, it was to the setting sun streaming through the living room window and a comforting weight on his chest. He woke up to Nalia dozing on his chest, his left hand tangled in her wildly curly hair. His right hand rested on her side. He wasn't sure when the storm ended, but he felt like he was back in his safe harbor. 


	2. wehavethatincommon

Kakashi frowned. Nalia smiled brightly while she recounted the letter Kaede-sensei sent her from her honeymoon on Crescent Moon. She gestured wildly and took healthy gulps of sake.

She looked so happy, so excited about her former teacher finding happiness and love after a lifetime of loneliness.

But it was all bullshit.

Her eyes kept darting around, never focusing on a single point. Her brown eyes were shining with unshed tears.

But what tipped him off the most was her smile. Her usually radiant smile was plastered into place, never defaulting never inching out of place as if she was consciously thinking about it.

"Nalia," He said softly, "what's really going on?" He asked her. His voice left no room for argument.

Nalia swallowed painfully and looked down, red staining her cheeks. She took another healthy gulp of the sake she brought to his apartment and slammed the drink on the table.

"I lost another patient" She whispered finally. Nalia closed her eyes, the grief too painful for her eyes. She should've been used to losing patients, and on some level she was. Kakashi reached across the table, clasping her hand in his. She opened her eyes again tears leaking out of the corners in an unnerving way as if she didn't know it was happening.

"You can't save everyone, Nalia," He said quietly. He squeezed her hand tightly and she looked up at him, grief etched into her face.

"He was only 13, a genin! What kind of doctor would I be if I didn't try?" She said bitterly. She wiped at her eyes aggressively. "If I can't try and save every single person that makes it into my ER with everything I have, what kind of doctor am I? What kind of woman am I?" Nalia was hurting real bad. She became so invested in every patient and every outcome that when she couldn't save someone the grief that she would shove down into her soul would eat at her until it reared its ugly head in the form of her binge drinking or working double or even triple shifts until she passed out. It took him too long to live with the fact that he couldn't save everyone.

They had that unfortunately in common.

Nalia needed to be grounded, rooted, anchored. Kakashi skirted around his small table and led Nalia to his couch, hoping that he could anchor her in the way that she's anchored him so many times over the last few years.

Be her safe harbor.

Hesitantly, Kakashi pulled her towards his well-worn couch, wrapping her in his faded blue throw. She clutched onto the fabric and curled up into a tiny ball next to him. He froze when she wiggled her head onto his lap, trembling from the force of the grief on her body. Tears still leaked out of her eyes, but at least she admitted to herself and to him that there was more going on. With unsure hands, he ran his fingers through her dense hair, playing with her soft curls in a way he knew she found soothing.

"Thank you, Kakashi" Nalia finally rasped. Her voice cracked, the sadness still making a home in her vocal cords. She took a deep breath and she stopped trembling, "Thanks for being there when I need you"

Need me? Kakashi, of course, has many friends and colleagues that he socializes with but no one has really needed him. Even Tenzo his lovable kouhai has a partner now and is relatively well adjusted compared to him.

But to think Kakashi Hatake, the Copy-cat nin was there for someone without having to use his kunai to solve the issue is a feat in itself.

"Ma, don't worry about it." You've done the same for me

Notes:

AN: Here's another installment of Nalia and Kakashi's burgeoning relationship! I'm excited to share this new chapter as it gives some insight into what type of person Nalia is. I don't know where these one-shots will go but I adore their relationship and the emotional vulnerability these two seem to bring out in each other. Please leave a comment if this is something you would like to continue reading! I also would love to hear what everyone thinks and if you all have ideas for their future!


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